Why Believing in Soulmates May Not Be Good for You

How the idea of soulmates minimizes efforts, choices, and growth.

Jaleel & Nicole
3 min readJul 29, 2020


It is a proverbial trope — the destined soulmate who metaphorically sweeps you off of your feet will complete you.

The idea of soulmates, most often bound to romantic love, has been successfully espoused by books and movies. Many people have come to believe in its existence simply because it is convenient.

Consequently, this alludes to the notion that true love, and by extension, a perfect relationship, exists. However, reality has repeatedly disproved this.

The truth is simple: Attributing the success of relationships to the limiting idea of soulmates, minimizes the growth couples have undergone as individuals and partners.

It is exactly in this regard that I refuse to believe it exists.

It is a universal fact. Relationships constantly require work.

Soulmates claim that the connections made are easy and instant. There is supposedly an overwhelming sense of calm and peace when soulmates are together.

However, relationships are all about building a connection with someone and maintaining it. For it to survive, relationships take work, commitment, and a willingness to adapt and change with your partner.

When you assume that connections between soulmates are easy, it thereby invalidates the efforts and strides you make to sustain the relationship.

Relationships require constantly choosing to build with your partner. Your differences will make it complex, and yet it is in those differences that you will learn and grow together. It is a neverending process.

Long-term relationships are successful not because they believed things will magically figure themselves out. They figured it out together.

I am not saying that it should be difficult either. Choosing to put in the work should be easy.

Accordingly, you should credit yourself for the hard work, and not because there is a divine will at play.



Jaleel & Nicole

Writing about life and how to be better at it. We cover topics in psychology, mental health, and relationships. https://jaleelnicole.medium.com/membership